most people start their first BLOG of the new year with resolutions, maybe a reflection of the last year…I’m starting with neither. we started the New Year with a good bye. i thought i was prepared. we knew this day was coming. we talked about it. prepared the kids. i prepared myself. but not enough. it was pure torture saying good-bye to him. it was worse watching him say good-bye to our boys.
the countdown is torture in and of itself. it is like time is in slow motion, but speeds by at the same time. emotions run high. how can they not? having conversations about his wishes if ‘something were to happen to me’ is necessary, but too awful to imagine.
i’m not a writer. i prefer to tell my story and remember moments with photos. this way of documenting somehow seems necessary to me. to reflect. to keep record of my thoughts. a place for him to read about our day to day routine in more detail than i care to share on my favorite social network. for our family to look back and remember the good, bad and all the ‘in between’ moments.
i am proud.
i am in love.
i am lucky.
i am thankful.
i am strong.
i am sad.
and
i am scared.
but, we will do this. my plan…stay busy…stay focused…and stay positive. i’m not a person who spends time worrying. i hoping that works in my favor. we are calling ourselves the D team. My mother-in-law, the fellas and I …..the deployment team. I hugged her the night he left and thanked her for being here with me to do this.
so, here we go. day #2 down….a lot more to go…our daddy jar of kisses will help us count down the days until mid-tour. the boys loved that they were able to eat their kiss from daddy after they brushed their teeth tonight. we will try to not make that a new habit. i haven’t found the perfect place to keep our jars of kisses. still looking for that spot. maybe i should take down Christmas and that would help me find that “perfect” place!!
~and to brent….home is just not home without you. I love you. and look forward to the next time i hear your voice. and davis much rather play plants vs. zombies with you. i suck.
